Fat Girl Syndrome

I am a food addict, whatever that means. My weight has yoyo'd for years. That strategy has kept me from obesity, but I have never been able to maintain a healthy weight without obsessing about food. I've done Weight Watchers. Through Weight Watchers I went from my peak weight of 180 pounds to my lowest adult weight of 135 pounds, and man did I look good. I have also been involved with a *12-step recovery program for food addiction. It is basically AA for food. I turned away the 12 step program over a year ago after about a month in, with no fault to the program. I just wasn't ready for it. I have decided to enter back into it soon, when I am ready. I know it is a tool to my being happy.

Here I am currently hanging at about 155 pounds with my 5'4" medium frame.

But weight loss is not what this blog is going to be about. This is my journey to zen. I hide behind my quirkiness. But I am a very, very sad person. I am very lost. And I am very insecure. Oh my gosh! Did I just admit that out loud? I am a prisoner of my own mind. Truly, I am a caged, dying bird. I can't live like this anymore. This journey is not going to be pretty. Birth never is. I must admit, I hope that weight loss accompanies this journey, but what is more important is that I learn to see myself as beautiful, that I learn to love myself, and with that learn to cherish my body.

My Eventual Goals:

• Cut flour, refined added sugar, and a lot of meat out of my diet.
• Learn to journal about my feelings
• Find my inner clam
• Be content with my personal best
• Develop a closer and constant relationship with God
• Trust the Lord
• Become more organized and proactive
• Getting my black belt in karate
• Do yoga every morning to center
• Notice the little blessings and beauties
• LOVE MYSELF, LOVE ALL PEOPLE, LOVE LIFE

It may take a lifetime to achieve these goals. But I plan to move inch by inch, day by day in the right direction. And I pray that I become comfortable with the idea of positive failure.



Namaste

* If you are interested in learning more about the 12-step program you can send me an email at adiposewarfare@gmail.com and I will provide you with the information you need. :-)