Reflection

Portrait of me taken by Randy Wentzel

Recovery and clarity are closely bound. Here I am three days into abstinence, and many of the struggles from my past are surfacing. Previously I would medicate myself with food. It fogged my mind in such a way that I thought my sadness was a result of my overeating, my own laziness and other people's actions. I hate feeling sorry for myself, and I hate other people feeling sorry for me even more. So distractions have been my favorite tool for coping.

I was a victim of some pretty awful events. Because those things happened to me, it has endowed me with the ability to empathise with others who have suffered. As I gain my education, prepare for my potential career as a social worker, I know that I will be able to relate, and reach people that others can't. I am relatively weak right now. I have just enough strength to ask help. I am insecure. I am ashamed with how I look, what I say and how I act. I am constantly concerned with what others think of me. That's where I am right now. But I know, rather I trust that I wont be here forever. I need to avoid object obscurity with my Heavenly Father. I need to avoid things that bring me down, and feast on things that bring me up.

Namaste

* If you are interested in learning more about the 12-step program you can send me an email at adiposewarfare@gmail.com and I will provide you with the information. :-)

Randy Wentzel's website